A First Car... And My Stress Reduction Process

 I've been trying to play catchup on Blog Reads.  I'm not a big Reader, I like to Write, I like to take Photos, so my Blogging is prolific but my Blog Reading, not so much, Sorry to all of you who have Wonderful Blogs, well worth Reading.  Becoz my Adult ADHD kicks in to high gear when I try to Read anything, so focus is just hard even if what I'm Reading is really good!  And I fall way behind in catching up with your Blogs and I'm a notorious Lurker so you might not even know I was ever there Reading what you Wrote if I fail to Comment and Engage.  I'm trying to be better about it, so Tonight I spent more time Reading than Blogging.

And I was filling Vintage Canning Jars with Vintage Marbles when I wasn't here at the Computer Tonight.  *LOL*  Lately I've found good caches of Vintage Marbles in Bagged Lots, and I just can't resist them.   Any I don't wanna Keep I just Sell, Marbles are still popular so they always Sell very well.  I put them in Black Net Bags, about 25 to a Bag, sometimes with 1 large Shooter Marble if I have some of those I don't wanna Keep.  But, most of the Shooters have been really nice and I have Kept them.  To me Marbles are like Tiny pieces of Art Glass and of coarse I have those I am attracted to most.  So I have lots of Vintage Canning Jars with Zinc and Milk Glass Lids holding my Vintage Marble Collections.  A Sizeable amount of them filled with Marbles now.  Above are just some of my Front Porch Herbs which are doing well.

Some were even from my own Childhood and are European Marbles, some over 100 Years Old now.  I used to Trade Kids for their Gramma's Marbles and give them a few Modern Ones for just One Special Antique One.  Kids usually didn't have any Idea of Value of Vintage/Antique Marbles so they were delighted to make the Trades.  Most of their Parents didn't Care either coz they'd given them the Family Heirloom Marbles to actually play the Game with and many of them would have gotten wrecked by Play, chipped, broken and worn, so I actually Rescued a lot of Valuable Marbles even as a Child from that Fate.  Some of them remind me of certain Childhood Friends I got them from.  A particularly Cherished one I Traded a Boy I had my 1st Crush on.

How do I remember which Marble that was?  Coz it was Special and on his Mom's Side they were European, from Great Britain, his Mom had him and then Married a Black American G.I., our Families became Friends when we lived in Michigan stationed at K.I. Sawyer AFB in the early 1970's.  I've since found him on FB and his Parents are both still Alive and in their 80's now, his Brother and Sister have Children, he has none apparently and is Single.  He was the most Handsome Boy I ever saw and is still a very Handsome Older Man now.   Last time I'd seen his Half Siblings his Sister was 2 and his Brother was a Newborn.  His Sister was a Beautiful Child and had Pale Green Eyes, she still does and is a Beautiful Woman.  Their Mom was like a Model tho' and doesn't look in her 80's, she looks just as I remember her!

Anyway, No, I didn't contact him via The Book of Faces, too many Years have passed and I doubt he'd remember our Family... or mebbe he would?   I have reached out to Childhood Friends when I have found them, and reconnected.   But for some reason I hesitated to with him coz I'd had such a big Crush on him in Grade School.  *LOL*  And just enjoyed seeing his Family on their Social Media Pages and that all is Well with them all and they still have both of their Parents and their Parents are still together.  Sometimes the Curiosity being satisfied is enuf and I don't Need to make contact.   There are some Childhood Friends I'd like to reconnect to, but at our Age now, I'm almost afraid to know if they've Died by now?  Getting a Memorial Page when you Search is always Sad and far too many have been Lost now.

Every time I talk to my Brother he's found out that someone we know, or used to know, has Died and has to inform me of it.  He's more Social than me, so he has his Finger on the Pulse of just about everyone it seems.  *LOL*   It is getting to where now we're some of the last who are left.  My Mom did say that was the hardest part of Growing Old, she ended up Outliving all but One of her long-time Friends by the time she Died at Age 84.  Her Older Brother made it to 90 and told me he'd literally Outlived everyone he knew of his peers and Generation.  We did have one Maternal Aunt, my Welsh Nanna's Youngest Sibling, Ivy, who lived to be 99, she was the Youngest of Seven and still wore High Heels and Makeup 'til the day she Died!  *LOL*  Dad was the Oldest lived of his entire Family, Dying at 74, Indigenous Populations live about a Decade less than the National Average American.

I haven't turned The News on all Day and I'm Zen without hearing whatever Fuckery is playing out now.  I'm to the point now where breaks in Knowing are necessary, it's all Too Much and ALL Bad.  And I'm Okay with not Knowing about it all frankly, it gives me too much Anxiety and outright Anger mixed with disgust, I feel Ashamed America has become what the rest of the World now sees us as.  And we can't say it's not who we ARE or it would have never happened and would have been immediately stopped, but it hasn't been and we as a Collective Nation did it Twice now!!!   Not all of us, I'm not saying that, I never Voted for any of it and probably you didn't either, but as a NATION this is what they chose for their Leadership TWICE, so it was no "Accident" either, it's who at least more than half the Voters ARE and they have to Own that Fact.  No excuses, they ARE the "Ugly America" the World now sees... the Dark hideous Underbelly exposed.

And let me tell you something you probably already know, America was ONLY ever GREAT becoz we as a Nation were GOOD.  When we ceased being GOOD is when we ceased being GREAT.   And ACTUALLY making America GREAT AGAIN will have to be a Journey back to being GOOD and standing on the Right Side of History and for what's decent and righteous, Humane and having Compassion for Humankind, both at Home and Abroad Globally.  Being True World Leaders and not this abhorrent perverse cluster fuck we now are.  There's nothing GREAT about that and everybody Globally is Witnessing it and appalled.  Well, except mebbe our Adversaries who have to be Celebrating it coz it's a Wet Dream for them to see America failing and falling from within. 

 I think at the very least we should seize all their assets, returning the ill gotten gains to the American People that was stolen and grifted, and exile this Leadership ASAP.  At this point Imprisonment wouldn't be enuf, leave them Penniless and sent to some Adversary to Deal with... Putin preferably, they deserve each other.  And see how long the Bromance lasts when Donnie & all his Demon Spawn arrive in Moscow Penniless, a Liability and Useless to ole Vlad now, and seeking Asylum?  *Winks*  That to me would be Justice Served to the American People and what he's done to our Nation.  And a little shitty Gift to at least one Foreign Adversary who enabled him.  But a Bow on him and a package of Depends with a "Congratulations" Gift Tag, it's a Boy. 

 His whole Family would just be a lil somethin'-somethin' Extra.  Melania would probably fare okay, she'd just go back to being in Escort Service, she strikes me as Street Wise and someone who clawed her way up.  And would fuck anyone, coz she fucked him, and I wouldn't crawl under that if they were bombing Phoenix!   The whole "Pretty Woman" thing she's got going on would be the stuff of Fairy Tales if he wasn't such a hideous perverse Monster and more Richard Gere-ish.   We'd of perhaps been rooting for her then, everyone likes a Fairy Tale ending to an unlikely Story of having one.  But she may just be cut from the same Cloth as him I suspect and so they're rather made for each other.  So, banish her Ass too, no Free Pass, she's not coming off as another of his Sexual Abuse Victims really.

Okay, Moving On, since, don't wanna Camp in that Dark Space and pitch a Tent, America's Situation is still unresolved and dire, my Ideas mean nothing in the grand scheme of things.  But a Gal can Dream.  *Winks*  And my Social Platform can only make a drop in the Ocean of Good Trouble, but, it's at least something that I feel I can be Militant and part of the Resistance doing, and so I do it.  Hungary's People did it as a Collective and that gives me some Hope that America can take notice and do so too?!  Hopefully quicker than the Hungarians did, since they tolerated being under that Oppression far too long and let it get too entrenched... and we are heading in that direction unfortunately.  Okay, Moving On for Reals now.  *Ha ha ha*

I forgot to give The Man his Night Meds at 6:00 p.m. last Night, I'd thought about doing it earlier at 4:00 p.m. and said so, and we unanimously decided that was too early.  And then... he went to Bed early.    And I spaced out about the fact we hadn't actually given him the Meds earlier and didn't realize he didn't take them at all until this Morning!!!   Fuuuuck!!!  I've got so much to remember, and not just for his sake, so my own Memory Care Issues shows up from time to time too.  I have fucking Lists all over the place and Notes galore on my Calendar to prompt me not to Forget everything I'm tasked to remember and keep on top of.  It's just a LOT.

In Real Time it's a Sunday so we've got Irrigation coming, The Son is doing the Yardwork to cut the Grass and Trim before Irrigation comes so it flows better.  The Grandson helped me sort his Grandpa's Meds, which we do every Sunday filling his Weekly Pill Organizer.  We had to call the VA Pharmacy coz Two needed Refills now and one is a switch to another Medication that's longer lasting, so we got that done too.  And The Daughter has to leave for her Job in Chandler in 15 Minutes.  So, it's been a hectic busy Sunday Morning already.  We had to get Gas for the John Deere, that was over Ten Bucks with the price per Gallon being right at around Five a Gallon now!!! 

  But, everything at Home here is done Errand Wise for this Morning and The Grandson will Babysit his Grandpa until his Sister gets Home with her New Used Car and while his Uncle is doing Property Maintenance.  I've got it like a well Oiled Machine around here now coz I Delegate well.  *Winks*   The Man got Testy coz he knows I'm leaving the Guys in Charge of him, he'd rather have us Gals, oh well, it Sucks to be him then right now coz The Son and The Grandson is all I got for his coverage and he just has to Deal and Roll with it I told him firmly, just Behave for them or I'll be on the Warpath when I get Home if they have to call me and say he's not Behaving for them.  *Winks* 

 All he has to do now is watch TV and his Shows, I got him Dressed for the day, The Daughter Fed and Watered him, The Grandson and I Medicated him!  How hard is that, really?!  Just sit nicely and watch your Programs or go take a Nap later if you get Tired before we return, that's all you're required to do now.  Us being here or not being here is a moot point when you're just watching your Programs in Peace and you're Safe and Sound with a Caregiver nearby if you Need anything else, or have a Medical Emergency.  *Eye Roll*  All they gotta really do is check in on him and ensure he's doing okay, that's all, so don't give them a hard time about it and don't act like a Cranky Old Get Off My Lawn Bastard.  *Winks and Oy Vey!!!*

I'll be glad for Commute Time and Four Hours of Me Time while The Daughter does her Housecleaning Job, I really will, I'm looking forward to it in fact.  My Chest Pain did go away so I'm Mitigating my Stress Levels more appropriately for now I guess?  *LOL*  LATER:  We're back... it went well, the day was Perfect Weather, Breezy, a little Warmer, in the low 90's now, but the Breeze made it feel a lot Cooler.  When I came Home I saw Princess T's new Used Celica, it's Silver Grey and I think may be a 2002, it's really nice looking and I'm so Happy for her.  It's got nice Rims and the Interior looks well Cared for, I like the Headlights and the Back Window, very Sporty.   I can see why she Loves Toyota Celicas, they're a nicely Styled Vehicle, attractive Lines.  {See Below}

We're almost done with Irrigation, it came about the time that The Daughter and I got Home, The Son is doing it tho'.   He'd cut the Grass and Trimmed everything along the parameters beforehand to get a better flow.   Below is me some Years ago in the Back Pasture during the Fall, watching the Sunset to the West, in a Carpet of Pecan Leaves all over the Ground.  I'm using it now as my FB Profile Picture.   The very Old Pecan Trees are on our Neighbors Property behind us and to the West of us, they're probably around 60 Years Old and Two different Species of Pecan, quite Majestic looking, I Love being surrounded by them.   Sometimes their Leaves fall on their Properties, sometimes on ours, we get a lot of the Harvest of the Nuts falling too, so all the benefits with none of the expense of Maintaining them. 

Since getting the Urgent Care Doc Report that it is Stress levels not Managed well that was causing my Symptoms, I decided to revert to some tried and true Old Indigenous Methods I know to do, but hadn't been taking the Time to do.  It's called "Grounding" and Indigenous Tribal Folks have been doing it for Centuries to Heal the Body Naturally.  You go Barefoot on the Ground, Grass is particularly good for Grounding, and just stand there and allow the Earth to recharge your Body's Natural Electrical System that is Connected to Mother Earth.  Another Method is to stand each Morning, before 10:00 a.m. and Face the Sun and Breath Deeply, allowing that perfect Timing of the Energy it releases to be absorbed by your Body also.  

 

Just doing it for a single Day made the intense Chest Pain just go away and I felt instantly Grounded and better.  I will do follow-up of coarse with my Primary.  But, now will Practice what I'd been Taught by my Ancestors/Relatives to do and just foolishly hadn't been doing.  It's so Simple, Free, and so Effective.  The Earth is Powerful Medicine if we're in Harmony with Nature.   And you know what is Eerie about it?  I hadn't even thought about those Paternal Tribal Teachings, but when I was talking, to Family, about my Stress needing to be Managed better... my Phone dinged {it's always Listening} and some Native American Healers Feeds popped up and reminded me of both Practices!!!  It gave me a Chill, and I did both Practices right away... and the Pain left my Body within mere Minutes and I felt Recharged by the Healing Energies of Mother Earth and The Sun.  

If you aren't even a Believer, try it, and you can Thank me later.  You all have The Sun every Morning, you all have Natural Ground/Earth or Grass, you can stand on in your Bare Feet for a few Minutes.  It could be a Grassy area, a Beach's Sand, or just Dirt, doesn't matter.  The Wisdom of the Elders is something we should keep Paying Forward so that it is known by all Future Generations.  We get so busy and arrogant in our Modern Lives we sometimes forget many Simple Healing Practices that the Earth provides us, Free of Cost.  And I'm trying to not fixate on World Affairs and the condition of our Nation for longer intervals.  It's just all too fucked up to keep exposing myself to it so often, even to keep informed.  Whatever happens I'm likely not going to be able to personally prevent it anyway.  It doesn't mean I'll stop being part of the Resistance, but I won't wind myself up so tight about it either.

I've stalled out on the Great Edit and Purge, so I do need to Focus more on that Project in earnest.   To make marked progress and to keep encouraged and optimistic about the possibilities of finishing it one day.  Wading thru Possessions of Yesteryear sometimes brings back a flood of Memories and so Letting Go can become harder as the Objects become more Meaningful.  And with everyone living here now with all their Worldly Possessions now intermingled with ours, it's hard to find sufficient placement for it all, even if you'd rather not get rid of what's left of yours that now is displaced.  And a lot got displaced every time another Family Member had to move back in.  And I know our Mortality is on the Minds of the Kiddos coz they're asking some of the hard Questions now about what's the Plan about Estate Planning and which of them will be responsible for it.  

Princess T being the likely choice, coz she's the most responsible, financially savvy, and fair Minded.  But somehow The Grandson assumes he will be.  He's delusional like that.   And I know he wouldn't make good decisions, he's very Smart, but not about disposition for Financial Security for the Good Of All, let us just say.  And he blows thru whatever resources he has instantly, so in a Minute he'd be destitute without a Pot to piss in or a Roof over his Head or any means of Support.  He really requires a Trustee, as does his Mother.  His Uncle just needs a good Woman whose Financially savvy to manage his affairs for him, his Niece would be the perfect Choice.  It's a lot on her and I have to discuss it with her in case something happens to me first and get it down in Legal Format.  I've thought about a revocable Living Trust with me and her as Trustee and all the Kiddos as Beneficiaries.  Will have to look into that further.

Princess T came Home Crying at 5:00 in the Morning coz she accidentally stepped on and squished a Gecko on the Front Porch.  She felt so bad about it coz it blended in so well she never saw it, until, too late.  Rusty didn't know what to say or do so she came in and I had to comfort her and get her to Laughing about something morbidly tragic that was definitely traumatic to her.  She respects all Living Things and our Lizards and Geckos are great for managing Insects so we never harm them in any way.  They hang out at the Front Porch quite often coz the Porch Light attracts their Food Source and Warmth, they're Nocturnal Hunters mostly.

A lot of the Bling Images Today are TRES MELINDAS and it was Melinda's last Weekend there at the Event.  She's going to be at Shows and I think Tours with her Line.  Her Line has been in Publication and I like it, got a very Western Flair to it and chunky.  I wouldn't mind owning a piece, especially the Buffalo.  She was so busy at the Event that I never got to talk to her about Pricing a Buffalo Pendant or the whole Necklace.   She was Selling a lot of them so I'm thinking her Prices must be reasonable and fair tho'.   Since she makes each Necklace for the Customer while they're present buying it, she prices them according to what parts they choose to make it with, so I have no idea of Price Point since the Sample Necklaces had no Price Tags and just show options of what you can Create for yourself, however Simple or Elaborate.

I'm no Unpublished Posts ahead now so gotta get busy with it.  Also, the PT Wendell was Scheduled to come at 8:00 a.m. this Morning and was a No Show, so, have no idea why or if he'll show up later on?  So, that kind of screws the day up some coz I like to be here for whenever his Nurses and PT's show up so I know what we're supposed to be doing and what his progress is.   Granted, I could get some things done and have the Kiddos watch him for me in case someone shows up.  Plus, the Pool Guy comes on Mondays and I gotta tell him the Granddaughter said she'd pay for the new Pool Pump coz ours is crapping out and Brad had told us that it was limping along but wouldn't probably last all Summer.  We wanna use it for Spring and Summer so Princess T said she'd pay for the Pump for us, Bless her.   She's a real good Kid.  

  

We had the Family Meeting about her being the one who'd be in charge if God Forbid something happens to me, to handle the Estate/Inheritance.  They're all in Agreement that a Living Revocable Trust would be the way to go, with her and I as Trustees while I'm among the Living.  I thought I'd get pushback from only one of the Kiddos, The Young Prince, but he said she is the most logical choice and he totally Trusts his Sister to always make good decisions on a consistent basis and for everyone's well being and the Good of All.   He knows he requires a Caregiver so likely wouldn't be deemed competent enuf to Manage an Estate or be designated a Trustee, nor would The Man, in his Condition.  We are gonna press Social Security too about me being The Grandson's full time Caregiver, it should come with a Stipend, to manage for him and pay for all I have to do for him as Caregiver.  In 5-7 Months we'll get a determination on his Eligibility for Disability Benefits Approval.

The Local Media has been reporting on Families being jerked around by Social Security for Seriously Disabled Adult Children's Eligibility for Care and SSI.  One Father is a Single Parent now and hasn't been able to get any Benefits for his Adult Daughter, about The Young Prince's Age, who has Down's Syndrome and can't live Independently!  She has a myriad of Health Issues that people with that Condition often have, so he was desperate for Services and Insurance for her that he cannot provide, plus, he's still her Unpaid Full Time Caregiver and had to Sacrifice his own Career/Job to be able to even do that!!!   This is what Families go thru all of the time and I'm glad the Media is picking up these Stories to make it known and not make us Invisible Victims of a very broken System denying Services and Benefits to those who should be receiving them to just Survive, remain as Well as they can be and even Thrive in the Care of Loved Ones, rather than being Institutionalized and Warehoused for Privatized Profit.

 

Privatization for Profit of things like Prisons, Detention Centers, Group Homes, Rehab Centers, Assisted Living Facilities, Nursing Homes, Mental Institutions is making some Investors/Owners/Shareholders a shit ton of Money.  There are the Non-Profits, but anything Privatized for Profit is usually corrupted by the Money they can make off of Warehousing People.  Years ago, when our Mother was still Living, her Facility was charging $11,000 per MONTH for her Care, you can't tell me it was costing that much per Person to Care for her.   It is complex to receive a Caregiver Income since Social Security doesn't pay it directly nor does Medicaid or Medicare, from what I understand.  But I know that if you're not the Spouse, I know several Caregivers of Non-Spouses that get a Stipend for doing the Full Time Care of someone who cannot Live Independently and requires Full Time Care and managing of all their Income, Medications, Medical Care and such by someone else.

And to make it even more complex, every State does everything differently and even the Benefits are not the same, or the amount Received.  Arizona doesn't have the best Ratings for Social Services, it has some of the worst in the Nation, I have no idea Why?   They claim severe Staffing Shortages, high Caseworker turnover and chronic Funding Limitations that create significant Backlogs in Child Welfare, Mental Health, and Disability Services.  I know the key Issues are overburdened Systems, high Poverty in our State, Low Wages that aren't Livable here anymore, and inadequate access to Care.  But, the State needs to shore those things up, we all pay fucking Taxes like every other State does and our Taxes aren't low here in the Urban Areas at all.  I always Owe the Feds Taxes, and I like Bernie's Idea of a 5% Wealth Tax on the Billionaires, who right now pay either nothing or such a low Rate compared to Average Citizens, that it's Obscene and totally Corrupted.

Brad showed up to clean the Pool and we told him the Grandchild is paying for the Replacement of the Pump, so he'll just do it and then Bill us, he said that would be easiest on us and on her to do it that way.  We did it that way when we replaced the Vacuum in the Pool last Year, tho' I Paid for that maintenance.   Brad says he Owes Taxes every Year too owning a Small Family Owned Business and he takes the Maximum out and says it's never enough, so he Sympathizes with Retirees getting Screwed over too by the Feds.   We all agree we don't mind paying our Fair Share, but when the Obscenely Wealthy don't, and whatever we Pay seems to never be Enough and they want More from us, that's where we begin to not Trust the System in place.  And Advocate for a New System that Works for all Americans and not just the Elite and Big Donors that Buy their preferential Treatment from Politicians who make the Rules.

The Son and The Young Prince did Environmental Cleanup at the River Preserve with me, we hauled out a huge amount of Aluminum Cans and only got about 1/3 of them this time.   We'll have to go back and get the rest another day.  Wendell the PT called, to Re-Schedule, his Car broke down and he had to have a Tow Truck come and tow it, then wait for a Loaner Vehicle, and doesn't know what his Repairs will be.  I told him no problem, The Man had done his Exercises so we just re-scheduled Wendell for Wednesday Morning instead, same time, 8:00 a.m..  I'm sorry he's got Car Troubles, that Sucks, especially when you rely on it to get to Work, and for him, he drives to each Client, so a lot of commuting for his Work.  I think his Company should provide the Vehicle IMO.

Anyway, I'm intrigued by The Swedish Death Cleanse Practice, I think that's actually what I've been calling my Great Edit & Purge Method I've been working on for what seems like an Eternity now.   But with the help of those who will one day Inherit The Hoard of Good Stuff, I never know what they want to Keep so it's a good thing they now are all here to help me decide what we want to Sell Off, Donate or toss... or just Keep.  There's not a lot of throw away items since we take very good Care of our possessions and don't Invest in cheap or worthless stuff.  So our stuff lasts and maintains or increases it's Value, I've rarely lost Money on anything I've Invested in.   And when we Buy anything we like to make our Money on the Buy, if you overpay for anything that's not gonna happen.

 

  

*******

Stay Strong my Friends... Dawn... The Bohemian

Still Imagining Living The Whole Dream

 I'll know if Princess T bought a Car by Saturday Afternoon.  Then she has to learn to Drive.  It will give her more Independence to have her own Vehicle and be a Driver, but I wanted her to do it in her own Timing when she felt ready to.  Her Friends have been Driving since their Teens, but she has Anxiety Issues and wasn't keen on Driving.  But she knows it will be Helpful to me to have a 2nd Vehicle and another Driver in the Family, and free me up from providing her transportation to and from Work too.  Plus, she can look for a better Job if she doesn't have limitations on her own transportation.  She likes where she works but it's minimum wage and now she's not even getting full hours anymore either.  With people who are good Workers being constantly Fired, she just feels there's also no Job Security for being a good Worker, it doesn't seem to matter.

Anyway, the Manager of the Dollar Store did contact The Son and said they're just waiting on a Background Check and he'll probably start.  It's also only Part Time and minimum wage, so it will be temporary until something in the Trades opens up and hires again for him.  And, until he gets a reliable Vehicle.  He Sold his untitled Celica to a Scrapyard last Week and is thinking of Selling his Car that just needs too much work, he's tired of sinking more Money into it, it's an Older Malibu and has had issues with it from the purchase of it.  But, it was what he could afford to pay Cash for at the time and I'm hopeful whatever Princess T pays Cash for isn't just a Money Pit Older Vehicle?  Her Boyfriend is a Mechanic and can fix it up, so, that's Helpful, she doesn't want a Vehicle payment and Car Debt, which, I don't blame her, too expensive Monthly, Interest Rates are High, and Employment isn't very stable for anyone right now.

I stocked up on Essentials/Perishables, I have nothing on the Calendar for Saturday, but Sunday The Daughter has a Cleaning Job in Chandler again.  The Man was complaining by Friday Night that he felt 'funny', and went to Bed real early.  I don't know if he was vying for attention coz I'd been having a Medical Emergency that day and had to be sidelined from giving him any attention?  You just never can be sure with him, when he's not the focus of being the center of attention, he'll sometimes act up like a Kid will to get the attention back on himself.  I told him I am supposed to reduce my Stress levels, so unless he was having a REAL Medical Emergency, just go to Bed.   And he did, and is Sleeping like a Baby, so I think it was more for the attention.  Coz he couldn't say what was Wrong or what he meant by feeling 'funny', with no specifics, it was probably a bid for attention by saying something to get a reaction and heightened focus on him.  *Eye Roll and Le Sigh*

I just don't have it in me to play that Game, and I didn't even have it in me to spend another half of the entire Day and wee Hours of the Morning taking him to an ER again.  Especially if it's a false alarm and he's just making shit up.  I know he doesn't feel Great, but everything is checking out okay enuf for him to be Home and not Hospitalized or needing Emergency Treatment.   His Blood Pressure has been excellent lately, which is a big improvement coz usually it's either sky high or dangerously low, it's normal right now and has been for Days.  Enuf so he doesn't even need to take his Blood Pressure Meds for it.  His Sugar Readings have been Normal too, probably better than mine actually.  His Oxygen saturation has been Normal as well when they check it, and his clogged Arteries have been Stented and are now open and his Heart is Healing now it's working more efficiently.

But, I can't be taking him places coz he's not up to that yet and needs to strengthen himself from that Heart Attack, which, will take Time and Work on his part with the PT.   And tho' he's doing it, I know he's impatient to put in the Work for as long as it might take to get back up to Speed.  I reminded him how many Months I had to Work hard on Coming Back after my Stroke last December, I had to put in the Work on the Daily to have a decent Recovery.   I made as close to a complete one as you can have after a Stroke, so I was fortunate, but it was a lot of Work and tenacity to attain that, it didn't just happen.  Nobody could do that Work FOR me.  And nobody can do that Work FOR him to Recover, he's got to put in the Work himself and we'll assist him and encourage him, but we can't do it FOR him.   

How hard he Works at it determines how far he takes it and attains what's possible.  Even if it's deemed impossible, we've done the impossible before.  It's only impossible until somebody does it.  I watched some Comedy on Cable to unwind Tonight, but I think I'll still go to Bed early, coz my Chest still hurts and actually De-Stressing when everything is constantly Stressful and intense, isn't as easy as just wanting or trying to manage it.  It's like folks telling Caregivers to take more Time for Caring for themselves, easier just said than actually put into practice and done.  It's not like you get Time Off or Vacations like if it was a Paid Job on a specific Shift with a starting time and ending time to said Shift, it's all the time, 24-7 and 365 without Benefits, Pay, or Staff/Co-Workers.  I'm fortunate I do have some Family here who can help out some, but it's overwhelming them already and they all have their own Issues going on.

 If something happens to me first, there is not even one of them that could take Care of The Man and become his Full Time Caregiver in my place and absence.  We all know this and it's scary for them to contemplate, so when I start not doing Well, everyone gets very Stressed Out and panicky.  Literally everything would have to be liquidated in order for him to qualify for any Services or Placement.  And he's been refused Placement before due to the level of Care he requires.  Facilities don't wanna take him, not even at the VA Long Term Care Facilities, which, he should have Earned a Placement at.  Anyway, I try not to even Think upon such Dark Realities.  Too depressing and too much to unpack or even contemplate again, seems Hopeless and with no Happy Endings.  We went thru all that shit Years ago, when he initially had his TBI after his Catastrophic Accident, and gave me a Mental Breakdown.  Which got me that Interesting Week's Vacay in Psyche Lockdown involuntarily.  *Winks*

There are times I do Wonder, did I actually Recover from THAT?  Or have I just been Coasting Along on Auto Pilot since then pretending to be Sane?   *LOL, it's Subjective, you don't have to Answer.*  Things are never the same and so you never Feel quite the same again.   I don't wanna revisit a Dark Period like that again and so try to not Mentally Unravel completely again or drop Dead from the Stress.   The latter would at least finalize it all for me, but leave the Family in real Crisis then, all of them, and I can't Want that for them.  Otherwise I wouldn't actually Care what happens or attempt to avoid it happening.  And that's the Dark Space I don't wanna Hold, so, Moving On.  Coz I don't wanna Hold that much Darkness for long.  Things at Home have settled down to a reasonable semblance of Order and relative Tidiness, tolerable enuf now.

Sayde has been coming over a lot so The Young Prince has his Bestie and that's improved his overall State of Being.  We Like Sayde and glad they reconnected.  She and Allen didn't get along.  I've been spelling her Name Wrong and only found out when I got a suggested Friend Request.  *LOL*  I don't initiate those kinds of 'suggestions' by FB, if someone sends me a request and they are someone I want to reciprocate with on Social Media, I Accept.  If I find a long lost Friend via Social Media I'll always send a Private Message first or they will if they manage to find me first.  I've kept my Friends List short and sweet, with my Page Private, you can access my Blog but not my FB Page unless Invited specifically.  I like it that way so I don't get lots of unnecessary Feed.  If someone sends too much crap to me on Social Media, I block them.  Don't send me Candy Crush requests or drag me into Personal Drama.  *LOL*  I'm always amazed at the in-fighting on Social Media between Family and/or Friends, in a Word... Why?

I finally ran into my Old Friend Charles on The Book of Faces and shot him off a Friend Request.  Hadn't seen him but a few times since his Dear Wife CeeCee Died, apparently he's remained Single.  They used to own the most Charming Restaurant and Antique Shop in a Historic Home in Glendale called "CeeCees on the Corner" and that's how I met them, then they became Vendors at our Antique Mall too for Years.  They lived on the Property coz it was such a unique Old Home with a Garden that Charles grew the most Amazing Roses and other Landscaping on, he's got the Greenest Thumb ever.  You should see it now tho', they had to Sell when CeeCee was Dying, she went Blind first, then became Wheelchair bound and Charles was her Devoted Caregiver for Years until she succumbed to her Illness.  They both were so knowledgeable about the Industry, but Charles just quit when CeeCee Died, the Thrill was gone for him he'd said, last time I saw him at the Antique Mall Years ago.  It's good to see him looking good and still local.

I'm doing a load of Laundry and tho' it's gorgeous outside, I'm loathe to drive much with the price of Gas.  The ripple effect of transportation Costs to Citizens and Businesses is gonna be far reaching and cost the Health of the Economy and affordability considerably on everything, both essentials and non-essentials.  I just can't afford to drop damned near a Hundred Bucks to fill up my Tank very often.  My Budget is already strained to the maximum and I'm thrifty and not reckless with finances.  I'm trying to Save $$$ where ever I can cut back and stretch it further, but, there's only so much you can do with a Fixed Income.  Sales are Flat at the Antique Mall so no discretionary income came in for this Fortnite, I ended up owing a little less than Two Bucks to the Mall, even tho' I Sold items AND Worked a Shift!!!  Es No Bueno.  

Nobody there is gonna do that for long before Tapping Out and leaving.  We're having a Vendor Exodus of those doing way worse and in the Hole considerably.  My Losses have been minimal, but I can't depend on that and I want NO Losses, I'm there to Make Money, not Lose Money.   And I Need Income Supplements to make the Ends Meet anymore as Inflation is going up far beyond any Cost of Living Increases us Retired Folks might get.  Usually when I get one my Medicare Premiums go up to eat it up anyway, so there's no actual Benefit to having a COLA, to me, just to my Insurance Provider getting it all.  The Government is giving it with One Hand and taking it back with another, thinking we don't notice the Sleight of Hand.   We're not Stupid just coz we got Old.  Well, some of us, Stupid does seem to be abounding, I ain't gonna Lie, I'm amazed at the level of Stupidity and running of Low Information out there Collectively!!!

While at the Dollar Store I ran into a Gal I'd met Years ago who had a Disabled Veteran Husband and an Autistic Adult Son and she recognized me and called out my Name.  She hadn't seen me in Years, we'd met Years ago Junquing at various Chazzas and struck up conversations every time we saw each other.  Well, Sadly her Husband has passed away now, she'd been his Full Time Unpaid Caregiver, he'd Served in Vietnam too and like The Man, many of his ailments were from exposure to Agent Orange.  So she told me to make sure the VA Documents that coz she wasn't aware until her Husband Passed that she'd be compensated for it and should have been while he was still Alive!!!  We've filled out VA Paperwork before about The Man's exposure to not only Agent Orange in Vietnam, but Toxic Chemical exposure our Troops had during all the Middle East Conflicts that The Man also was in and exposed to that our Government used.  She said it's a considerable amount of Money, so, look into it.

She was amazed that The Man was still Alive and I joked and said all his Doctors are too.  He's like a Timex Watch, takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'.  It was important she said to know what to do when Heaven Forbid your Loved One passes and is owed this compensation coz nobody volunteers this information to the Families.  To me it's shameful that they don't, but I can't say I'm surprised, no information is ever volunteered about anything, you have to find out for yourself some kind of way and then fight for what you're Entitled to receive!  Her Autistic Son is on SSI and she gets a Caregiver Stipend Monthly too, so he must be worse off than our Son on the Spectrum?   She said I should request a Caregiver Stipend for being The Young Prince's Caregiver when and if Social Security gets around to his Case.  I had heard I should receive one for Caring for a Disabled Adult Child or Grandchild.  Unlike being a Spouse which disqualifies you from receiving one to Care for a Husband or Wife whose Disabled.

Anyway, Serendipity like that always wows me... with chance meetings you are meant to just have, what are the Odds?  The Daughter came Home and Cleaned and Organized the whole Kitchen and Fridge for me.  The Job she had was helping her Friend Jennifer set up the Home Hospice for Jennifer's Mom so that she can Die at Home.  Hospice delivered the Special Bed and everything, but they had to get everything ready and her Mom situated.  The Daughter said most of the Family is not handling it well so they really needed some Present Help.  Another Friend drove her Home, who'd also been helping Jennifer's Family.  The Mom didn't want them to leave coz they'd been so Calming and getting everything done without Emotionally unraveling.  But, they're not related so it's easier to Deal with when it's not your own Loved One Dying.  Both of them had to leave Today tho' coz The Daughter had no other Ride Home and has that Job in Chandler Tomorrow Morning.

I went to another "Dollar Tree" to get what ours didn't have.  So, now I got everything I'd needed from there.  And we've watched a Sci-Fi Movie and Amber brought over some Green Chile and Cheese Tamales, they were delicious.   She was on her way to Work so just dropped them off on her way there.  And she heated one up for The Man and I, Bless her, she's like a Niece to us too and we've known her since she was a Kid.  She and The Daughter have been BFF's since they were in Grade School and her Family used to live on the same Street as us back then when all our Kids were Small and when I first Married The Man and we bought that Property.  Then Sold it, and bought the Historic Property.  Her Family bought another Property too and still live there.  Then we bought the Villa McManse, and now this Property, but kept in touch with a lot of our Friends from the Old Neighborhoods.

But if I do lose Touch with someone it's hard to locate them again even with Social Media becoz I don't always know anyone's last Names.  Even if I've known them for Decades!  I don't know if that's unusual?  But, I have no Need to know your Last Names usually and most of my Friends don't know my Last Name either.   I don't use our Surname on my Social Media anyway, on purpose, to make it harder to Find me, sometimes I just don't wanna be Found, you know?  There's People from the Past that just Need to stay in the Past and I have no desire to reconnect with at all.  Plus, tho' I Blog about everything, in Real Life we prefer to be more Private, I know, that's Weird, to have such a dichotomy, but Blogging is different than Real Life.  

I have Blog Friends who have Secrets in Real Life that nobody knows, but their Blog Community knows.   For example, I know a couple of Trans Bloggers who only in this Safe Community anyone knows that side of their Life, and accepts them unconditionally, in Real Life, nobody knows and it could cause problems for them.   It's Sad that Society can't be more accepting and inclusive like The Land Of Blog Community is, but, it isn't.   And so some folks can't be as transparent in Real Life as they can be on their Blogs.   Some don't even want their Real Life Circles to know about their Blogs.   Quite a few of my Real Life connections know I Blog and most of them just never Read Blogs and would never come here anyway, even tho' they know me well in Real Life... or think they do.  *Winks*   And, some of my Best Friends in Real Life have never visited a Blog, not mine, not anyone else's either, and probably never will.

And some Blog Friends eventually met me in Real Life and we became really good Real Life Friends too.  It's actually easier to become close to those you meet via this Community coz you've already Shared so much... and probably spent more 'Time' together Online than anyone does in Real Life.   Some of you visit your Blog Friends almost Daily, whereas in Real Life you probably don't do that, I know I don't.  Most of the folks I know in Real Life I'm Lucky if I'd have contact with you Once a Month... but a fav Blog and Blogger I may visit quite often.  And I Blog Daily usually, it's my Creative Space for right now and I enjoy just doing it with consistency.   I don't Talk much to anyone in Real Life so this is where my Stream of Consciousness can be released and I can Say some Stuff in the Written Content of Blogging.  And Share more of what I'm doing in the Visual Imagery too.  In Real Life most folks have no idea what I'd be doing on any given day and I'd never even Talk about it or Share the Pixs.

I do think in Real Life most folks aren't Socializing much anymore anyway, they just don't have the Luxury of Time to do it.  Life is too full, too busy, too hectic, too demanding of them to.   We watched "The Silence Of The Lambs"  {1991} again, it's a Cult Classic.  I didn't enjoy the Sequels as much as the Original tho', especially when they replaced the Clarice Character of Jodie Foster with Julianne Moore.  I don't know why Foster declined to reprise her Role, I think it would have been better with her in it.  Not that I don't like Julianne Moore, but I don't like replacement Iconic Characters as a rule.   But I did like "Hannibal" Series {2013} 39 Episodes with Mads Mikkelsen, coz he played the Lead Character of Hannibal Lecter as well as Anthony Hopkins had, which was a tough Act to follow coz Hopkins was superb in his Role.  And I didn't mind the replacement, which is rare for me, even tho' I always think of Hopkins as the Character, Mikkelsen did it superbly too.

I don't know if Princess T ended up buying a Car or not, she hasn't come Home and I probably won't see her 'til Monday Morning now.   The Suspense was killing me tho' so I called her and she said, yep, they got the Car and her Boyfriend Negotiated it down by $400 and it does run.  So, I'm delighted for her and if it needs any fixing up or Work her Boyfriend will do all of that for her too.  Can't wait to see it, and then of coarse she needs to learn to Drive.  She'd been Fixated on getting a Celica and her Uncle had one but it didn't have a Title and wasn't in the best shape so he didn't wanna Sell it to her.  He Sold it for parts to a Salvage Broker instead since the older Celica's are desirable Vintage Vehicles.  She Loves the Lines of the Model and it is Sporty.  She didn't go way back to a 1970's Model, but the Model she got is older than her.  I wanna say she said it's a 2001.  I don't know what Color or Mileage, the Model has very good reviews, higher than most used Vehicles. 

I'm delighted for her and she got such a good Deal on it that she has plenty of her Money she's Saved left over and really didn't make a dent in what she'd Saved Up for a Used First Car.  I remember how Proud I was when I bought my 1st Car, it was a 1973 Orange and White Maverick Grabber and I bought it off my Dad and paid more back then than she paid for this 1st Car actually, so, she did good.  I also bought Vintage Mustangs too, and made Money buying and Selling them coz back then my Brother used to fix them up and Resell them as well, we both liked the Mustangs of the 1960's and 1970's.   I also had a 1966 Mustang that was Silver and 1970 Mustang Mach 1 in Green with Black Racing Stripes.  I had to Sell the Mach 1 when I got preggy with The Daughter coz the Seats were low and practically on the floor so rolling out of one when you're 8 Months Pregnant was difficult.  *LOL*  I dated an Italian American Professional Racecar Driver who had a 1968 Shelby Mustang, damn was it fast!  They're still worth around $170,000.

I always liked the Old Muscle Cars and so did The Man when he was Younger.   He had a 1960's Super Sport at the time he had to go to Vietnam, left it with a Family Member to hold for him and they Sold it by the time he did his Two consecutive Vietnam Tours of Duty.  They're still worth around $70,000-$112,000.  Arizona has a lot of Vintage and Classic Cars in excellent condition coz they don't Rust out here.   Some of our Neighbors in our Mini Farms Community are Serious Vintage and Classic Car Collectors and have some really spectacular ones in their Collections.   Some have Vintage Airstream Trailers too that I Lust over.  *Smiles*  It is still on my Bucket List to own a Vintage Airstream and Pimp that Pull.   I would have Loved to have bought the Vintage Airstream that "Magnolia Pearl" had and Sold.  {See Below}  I would have just given the Kids the House and Lived in here on the Acreage.  *LOL*

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Still Imagining Living the Whole Dream... Dawn... The Bohemian